Phoebe and Rachel: Allison's birthday party.

Joey: (still skeptical) Oh, and how is Allison?

Phoebe and Rachel: 32. (Joey's not buying it.)

Rachel: (does a retching sound) Wait a minute! Why don't you guys do something?!

Joey: (still skeptical) Yeah, look how that worked out.

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Library, Ross enters and heads to the desk to talk to the male librarian on duty.]

Ross: Excuse me. Hi, I'm a professor here. Do you know the Paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?

The Librarian: Well, yes! Just give me five minutes, I just have to find someone to cover my shift.

Ross: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! (The librarian brings his boss over.)

The Head Librarian: How can I help you?

Ross: Hi, I was wondering if it is possible to increase security in the Paleontology section? See I-I wrote a book up there and instead of reading it people are-are-are well, rolling around in front of it.

The Head Librarian: We are aware of the problem you are referring too. (He turns to look at the previous librarian.) But as far as increasing security, I'm afraid the library is very understaffed. I, I can't help you.

Ross: Well, fine. Fine! If-if I'm the only person with any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word, I'll go up there and defend it myself! (Starts to do so, but stops and to the previous librarian) And don't you follow me!

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are doing dishes as Joey enters.]

Joey: Hey.

Phoebe: Hey!

Rachel: How did it go with Erin?

Joey: Oh, unbelievable! We had the best time!

Phoebe: Yay!! Oh so, you're not, you're not mad at us anymore?

Joey: No! No! No! You guys were totally right! This is so much better than the first time we went out. Y'know? That was so awkward, we were really nervous.

Phoebe: Didn't you sleep together?

Joey: Yeah that really calms me down. And! We have so much in common! She loves sandwiches, sports, although she is a Met fan, not much of an issue now but if were ever to have kids, well that's a…

Rachel: (gasps) Oh my God! Listen to you talkin' about having kids. Oh my Joey. (She goes over and hugs him.) Oh, please don't get married before I do.

Joey: Okay.

[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are on their date with Janice and Clark, however Clark is a no show and Janice is crying the Mississippi River about it.]

Janice: Oh. Oh I just cannot believe Clark stood me up!

Monica: He might still show up.

Janice: Oh, what are you, stupid? It's been three hours.

Monica: Is that all?

Janice: I should just go on to happier things, okay? Umm, why don't you tell about your lovely wedding?

Chandler: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, it's going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! We're not even sure why we're having it.

Monica: It's actually going to be just family.

Janice: Oh…wait…you two think of me as family?! Oh, I have to ask you something now and be honest; do you want me to sing Careless Whisper or Lady In Red?

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is entering and arguing baseball with Erin. Phoebe and Rachel are already there.]

Joey: How can you say that?! The Mets have no closer!

Erin: What about Benitez?

Joey: What about Game 1 of the Series?

Erin: What about shut up?

Joey: You shut up! (To Phoebe and Rachel) I love arguing with her. (To Erin) I'll be right back.

Erin: Okay. (Joey goes to get some coffee and Erin sits down.)

Rachel: So how's it goin' with Joey?

Erin: Uh, okay.

Rachel: Okay? Wait okay, tell-tell me that you like him, please? I mean tell me that you like him.

Erin: Look, he's a really great guy and I know that you really want this to work out, but I just don't see this having a future.

Rachel: But you said that you liked him! I mean what happened?! Did ya just change your mind?!

Erin: Kinda.

Phoebe: Then change it back!

Erin: I'm sorry I… It's just there's no real spark.

Phoebe: No spark? Didn't you sleep together?

Erin: Yeah.

Rachel: Ugh, tramp!

Phoebe: Does Joey have any idea?

Erin: I really don't think he does. And y'know what? Maybe you guys could help clue him in. Y'know, tell him I'm-I'm not interested in a serious relationship or something.

Phoebe: Yeah, you mean like that you're kind of a loner.

Erin: Yeah! That would be great!

Phoebe: Yeah, and maybe that you're a real (She says something in Italian, and it doesn't matter what she said. It's not important so I don't need everyone who speaks Italian telling me what she said.)

Erin: I'm sorry?

Phoebe: Oh well, I guess Italian isn't one of the four languages you speak.

Joey: (returning) Hey! You wanna go?

Erin: Yeah, let's go.

Joey: Okay. See you guys later.

Erin: Bye guys.

Rachel: Yeah, see ya.

Joey: (whispers to Phoebe and Rachel) Hey, thank you so much. (They both exit.)

Rachel: Wow. Well, I guess it was Cupid who brought her here.

Phoebe: No, just a regular old flying dwarf.

[Scene: The library's Paleontology section, Ross is patrolling as a couple walks up.]

Ross: Yes? Yes?! How can I help you?

Guy: Yeah, we were…we were just looking around.

Ross: Oh-oh, you're-you're fellow scholars. What exactly were you looking for, hmm? Perhaps, (Grabs a book from the shelf behind him) perhaps Dr. Chester Stock's musings on the Smiledon Californicus?

Guy: Uhh….

Ross: Ah… Ah…Get out of here! (The couple retreats. Ross starts looking through the previously mentioned book as a beautiful woman walks into the section.) Uh, meeting someone? Or-or are you just here to brush up on Marion's views on evolution?

Woman: Uh, actually I find Marion's views far to progressionist.

Ross: I find Marion's views far to progressionist.

Woman: I'm sorry, who are you?

Ross: I'm a professor here uh, Ross…Geller.

Woman: Ross Geller, why do I know that name? It's uh—Wait! (Grabs his book off of the shelf.) Did you write this?

Ross: Yes! You're the person who checked out my book?!

Woman: Y'know, you look nothing like I would've thought. You're…you're so young.

Ross: Well I uh, I skipped forth grade.

[Time Lapse, Ross and the woman are now in a state of partial undress and are standing in front of the head librarian with two security guards watching them.]

Ross: I am very…very sorry.

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are watching TV as Joey enters.]

Joey: Hey!

Phoebe: Hey!

Rachel: Hi!

Phoebe: So how was, how was your date?

Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still… And guess what, I'm thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.

Phoebe: Oh really? She said she wants to go away with you?

Joey: No-no-no-no-no! It's a surprise, but it's gonna be tricky thought because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while.

Phoebe and Rachel: Oh no, yeah.

Rachel: Jo-Joey, look honey we-we need to talk okay? Umm, I kinda got the feeling from her today that uh, she's not lookin' for a serious relationship.

Joey: Where are you gettin' this?

Rachel: Well, she told me. She said she's kinda a loner.

Joey: Oh. Oh.

Rachel: Joey…

Joey: No hey Rach, it's cool okay? Y'know I'm a loner too! (Heads for his room.) Right?

Phoebe: Hey Joey, y'know what? You are way to good for her.

Rachel: Yeah and honey I promise next time that I will just say good-bye and tell ‘em you're not looking for a relationship.

Joey: No! No. Don't do that, just next time make sure she really likes me.

Rachel: Well that too. (Joey goes into his room.) Joey?

Joey: Yeah?

Rachel: Do you want some pancakes?

Joey: (coming back out) Finally!

[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table and are still trying to decide what to do about Janice.]

Monica: What are we gonna do?

Chandler: I say we go with Careless Whisper.

(There's a knock on the door and Janice enters.)

Janice: Chandler?

Chandler: (To Monica) Did she see us yet? Did she see us?

Monica: Janice, what umm, what are you doing here?

Janice: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldn't really be alone tonight. (Joey walks into view of the open door behind Janice, sees her, gets a terrified look on his face, and flees in horror.) I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.

Monica: (To Chandler) Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice aren't they?

Janice: Please, it's because otherwise I really don't know what I might do.

Chandler: Aren't you just a tinsy bit curious?

Janice: (starting to cry) Do you have any tissues?

Monica: Yeah, in-in-in the bathroom.

Janice: Okay! (She runs for the bathroom)

Monica: We'll just…we'll just let her stay.

Chandler: No-no-no-no, if we let her stay, she will stay forever!

Monica: Kinda like your Barca lounger.

Chandler: Is that what you're thinking about right now?

Monica: I never stop thinking about it.

Janice: Hey you guys, umm do either one of you want to get in there before I take my bath.